Moved for forever to theyaelheroblog.blogspot.com

All I want is to keep us together, then this is all I get, and I don't deserve it.

They are cowards. They tell me so many things over the phone and on Yahoo Messenger, and then take it all back say that they don't care, that it's fine with them, on the time of confrontation just so Thea won't get hurt.

So who is the naive girl who has the issues now? It's me. Damned me. It's just me, who has the problem. It's just me, who's jealous. It's just me, who's just.... WHAT THE HELL, THE PROBLEM'S JUST WITH ME!

That's why Friends are not true. For your knowledge, this has happened to me three times already, all at the same year. There can't be no one to be with you when you need it but yourself. They will abandon you when things get ugly. When you're now in trouble. Friends are people whom you choose to be with for the mean time to help you get through it. Other than that, they are nothing.

Why do I keep trying, anyway? They didn't ask me to fix it, and I'm not a hero, so why should I? I'm just another kid who suddenly was carrying the weight of Thea's shit. Besides, this is not meant to last, so I better ignore the fact that it's getting rotten every minute and get on with my life. 2 years more to go and I'm done with this. 2 more years, not that long.

I'll tell you a secret.

I have a disease. It's like Anorexia. Only that I am not conscious about my weight, or my physical appearance. This disease is not about 'who looks best'; it's about 'who is the best'. It's EN-caused, but it's not exactly 'insecurity'.

Here's how it works: first, it gets inside you as something not so unusual.

Like when someone like EN gets you drop your jaw in an English class introduction.

Day by day, it inhabits your mind and your soul, and yet, you won't notice it. You will think you are on the right track if you let this disease control you.

Like when you try your best to improve and to be EN-like. When you set EN as your idea of human perfection.

It dominates you slowly, imperceptibly. It eats you bit by bit, painlessly.

And then one day, it has overwhelmed a large part of you. And that is when it attacks. It 'awakens' and strikes you. It happens infrequently, usually unexpected, but it will afflict you. The result is your self esteem and confidence drastically dropping down to zero. It lasts how long depending on how fast you get over the attack.

I pity myself because of this. I do not want to see myself this pathetic, but, I would have never cared if I did not learn how to set myself this high. It is not my wish to blend into the crowd, but, I am not remarkably good enough to be recognized right away.

Just like EN is.

We have this Save Mother Earth oriented English project. We are going to try to do something to save the Earth. And it's not like we could actually do something, so just showing that we care, must be enough.

Which lead to my proposal of Save Mother Earth orienting my entire social networking site accounts, and build a website to put the narrative thing in it and all the proof needed to show that I am working. (In collaboration with Kyla)

And my teacher just won't get the purpose of the website even though I've already said it in our proposal. It's getting really annoying. Oh, and I'm starting to dislike her back again.

Now, I need your visits. I need them, so click the link below and drop your tag.

SaveMotherEarth.110mb.com

To be loved, to be loved, what more could you ask for?
To be loved, to be loved, everyone wants to be loved.

Chin Mendoza : Langya ka, ka-debate mo pala si Bet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chin Mendoza : Tas nanalo ka pa!!!!!!!!!!!
Me : Naka-tsamba lang ako. Mahina lang talaga yung napili na cell part ni Bet.
Chin Mendoza : Ano ba yung dinefend mo?
Me : Mitochondria. Ribosomes si Bet.
Chin Mendoza : PAANO MO NAGAWA YUN????
Me : Hindi ko nagawa yun, dudes.
Chin Mendoza : Eh, ano?
Me : Pinag-usapan naman namin ni Bet kung ano'ng itatanong at isasagot. Shhh.
At saka hindi lang siya ready.

Ahaha, para naman kaya kong gawin yun.
Chin Mendoza : Nyeeeeeeeeeeekkk!! Ang corny. Sana hindi mo na lang sinabi. Ang paghanga ko kanina ay OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD. Magaling ka na sana eehh!!

It is not right, anyway, is it? Me winning over Bet? It would not seem right, even if she could have won if she just wanted to, even if she would have won if she chose a better cell part, even if she could have won only if she was ready, even if she could have acted on the plan when she had the chance.

Everyone expects her to win. But I won, and it is not fair. It's wrong.

I feel guilty. The plan was, to make both sides look equal. And instead of saying that I think Mitochondria are independent, in attempt of giving her something to contradict - which I might not have informed her that I knew how to fight it back - I should have acted on the plan, which is concluding that both cell parts are needed, and there is no cell if these parts are removed.

But in this you must rejoice: we are one of the best pairs and we will receive extra points in our Biology exam, which is by next week.

I though I must update my blog along with the skin since the TC era has passed away. From this post onwards, I will not talk about anything TC anymore - ehvurr. Besides, it is not a recommendable topic. Heehee.

Me: Honestly, I loved everything about the TC blog. I still love it. Kind of miss it, actually.
Rikan: WTF.
Me: No, I'm serious.
Rikan: Where the hell did you dig that shit up?

So from this post onwards, I will only talk about how stressed I am and in need of sleep and how tight my schedule is. And how I hate James.